Kev's Musings and Shared Journal

Stick a fork in me

I think I might be dead. Or that I've become my dad. No really. Cause I never thought I'd have a gut. I like to wear my shirts untucked for this reason. I also get up everyday and go to work. And I wear Dockers Khakis and Polo Shirts to work. And I've been married for sixteen years. And I've been a homeowner for fourteen years. And I have a ten year old son. And I went to an Open House tonight for his elementary school. And I'll be going to yet another parent teacher conference. And I'm watching my son learn to play drums (like I did) and skateboard (like I did) and I'm watching him get sweaty on summer days while playing with his buddies. And I go on family vacations with my wife and son and while driving in the car I say things like 'turn the stereo down' and 'don't make me pull over' and 'we'll be there before you know it'. And I've mowed my own lawn now at least 392 times. And I take the dog for her baths and take out the trash and sneak smokes in the alley. I work with people who are young enough to be my children, and granted, old enough to be my fathers, but still. I mean, I actually give my son allowances for doing chores! So I'm either dead, or I'm my dad. I'm not sure which yet.

The danger of idealism

Is that there becomes a wide gulf between philosophy and life. The ideas are noble, but the life can be vulgar. Most people would define it as hypocrisy. Sartre said he wouldn't build any houses he couldn't live in, the criticism of those before him being a valid one. And in my life too, I realize the ideal in temperance, where I still satisfy the cravings of my body. I call for courage, where my heart becomes deeply troubled and is cowardly. I ask for justice, but am unable to stand up for what is right.

But in my view, one goal of philosophy is to be a guide, and a guide to me implies the guide is more competent than the follower. You are putting your trust in something that is greater and smarter than yourself. Your guide gives you something to strive for, an archer trying to make his target. And in the space between idea and actual experience, where there is a wide gulf between your life and your guide, there is much to be learned.

Pythagoras said at the end of the day, you should ask yourself, where have I gone amiss? Where have I erred? Where could I have done better? So even the wisest among us experienced this gulf between the way we should be and the way we surely are. And the early saints who left the city to go into the deserts. Their gospel was pure while they were visited by the most evil spirits. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

There are other complaints, especially concerning modern idealism, that I have as well. I for one do not believe atoms did not exist before man conceptualized them. Or that rocks and trees did not exist before man. So in this sense, I tend toward a halfway between idealism and materialism. While I believe rocks predate man, I believe they are made perfect, through a natural participation, by man. Same with the trees, the oceans, and so on.

When I was younger, I marvelled at creation in and of itself. I experienced it directly through the mud and sweat on my skin and the scrapes on my legs and so forth. With a little bit of age, I marvel that the universe seems to fit naturally into man. That what we apprehend subjectively tends to be what something is in and of itself.

And I can't get away from the intelligible realm. A bridge spans an expanse because the numbers say it will. It supports it's load because it is mathematically static where it should be and mathematically dynamic where it should be. This, to me is an example where the abstract lies beneath the concrete to make something useful and even beautiful at the same time. And it's amazing to see cracks in mud that take on geometric forms such as squares and whose lines show a line of action that can be predicted by observation.

It has been my experience that there can be a vast gulf between truth and phenomenon. That what we perceive to be is absolutely divergent from what is truly there.

But for the most part, things carry on predictably and yes, in an orderly fashion.

And in the case where the truth is divergent from what is experienced, it simply falls outside the categories of logical thought and falls into the realms of mysticism and spirituality.

Direct Experience

When we are told a loved one has boarded a plane to leave, and have not been there to see the loved one leave, we are cast into a shadow world of delayed reaction and heresay.

Much of life is lived in this way. We get the word from someone else, we hear about something after, we are told what something is like.

Plato would have said we are living in a cave.

Hume, through his skeptical philosophy, simply said we are living in shadows.

This is why people often back up their integrity by the fact 'they've lived through something', or 'they've been there.'

And in my view, this sort of direct experience does lend itself to integrity.

There are those who say it is wise to learn from others' mistakes.

But the rest of us have to live it and learn from our own.

The former is prudent, the latter becomes skeptical.

But in my view, in both cases, wisdom is gained.

'Whatever is hidden will be made known'

If you want to see something, try closing your eyes and seeing nothing. If you want to hear something, try being quiet. If you want to feel motion, try sitting still.

The doorway between the latent and the manifest is Blind, Quiet and Still.

'Be a Philosopher, but amidst your Philosophy, be still a Man.'

-Hume slightly paraphrased

What's going on?

1.) Evolution. Not so much external evolution for man, but phenomenological evolution in the Mind.
2.) Karma. We are reaping what we sowed. Some say from previous lifetimes, others say from only the one. Either way, the past is determining the present, and the present is determining the future.
3.) Polarity. Male and Female He created them. In His image He created them. There are entire philosophies based on the idea of 'the harmonious balance of opposites' beginning with Pythagoras and continuing on to Kierkegard.
4.) Reincarnation. Even if you don't believe in previous or future lives, surely you're not the same person today you were ten years ago.
5.) Vibration. The scientists tell us everything, from the smallest atom to the largest supercluster is vibrating.
6.) Harmony. The Solar System is well ordered, and locally, things proceed, at least on the macro-level, in quite a Harmonious way.
7.) Generation. Man's attempt at immortality. Providing offspring that his life may continue.

These are the 'Seven Laws' as listed by Manly P. Hall in his little book 'Questions and Answers, Fundamentals in the Esoteric Sciences'.

Age of Dissolution

The Hindus may have it right. Many esotericists believe we are approximately 5000 years into the 42000 year age of Kali. Kali is the feminine goddess who's left side represents destruction and dissolution.

One can only look to this age and see that dissolution and iconclasm are the rules of thumb. We, the United States, are a nation who rebelled against the Divine Right of Monarchy and decided to separate church from state.

We have by and large rejected the ideals of a moral and spiritual society, in lieu of the practical, material society.

Where the Scriptures have admonished us to humbly submit ourselves to the Earthly Powers, we have overthrown said Earthly Powers in the interest of republican governments that minister to the needs of the majorities.

This 'enlightenment', where individuals have greater autonomy and freedom, comes with a pretty hefty price tag that is avoided at all costs in our youth-oriented society. This price tag is responsibility. While we have greater personal freedom than any empire in recent memory has held, we seem to try to duck our responsibilities.

And with this ducking, a void is created which is then filled with the bad. Strife, competition, materialism, all come to the fore in the abscence of responsible consumption of freedom.

You can tell how much of an abscence of Love we have in the amount of laws we have on the books. Start with local codes, move to state regulations, and on to national laws. We are not exhibiting personal Love and Rationality.

So the Old Hierarchies are dissolved into the New Individual Cults.

Freedom and Liberality

The object is for me to exhibit the four ancient Virtues, Wisdom, Courage, Temperance and Justice in myself, while liberally accepting the personalities of others.

To be strict with myself and forgiving of others.

This at the present moment is what the proper application of Freedom and Liberality is for me.

And to sum up the Human Condition...

'We always want what we've already, or are going to, have. Never what we have now.'

quote by 'little 'ol me'

Not Difference, but Same

We have five appendages emanating from a central torso. The head is the crown, where the arms and legs are the motion-ers. The head is the Nobility, or the Patrician, where the arms and legs are the aristocracy, or the plebes.

Seeing that we are so basically alike, it is a wonder how we can disagree so much. I wonder what life would be like, if instead of the scholasticism that emphasized the aristotelian particulars, the platonic, or what is universal, had predominated western life during the middle ages.

I am of the mind particulars are to be appreciated and not discriminated against, yet this is the fate the particulars have suffered.

Thus I am not a fellow human being, but a redhead. You are not a sister, but a green-eyed blonde.

But the universal has survived. Otherwise, if there is no universal 'me', how can you recognize me as I change, seeing me years later, the last you saw me I was a child? Or I recognize you after you've dyed your hair or gone to a tanning bed?

Fortunately, one 'I' meets another, and what is universal survives.

Reverie...

That we owe Nature a death

Whatever is earth, return to earth. Whatever is air, return to air. Whatever is fire, return to fire. Whatever is water, return to water.

Gloriously, whatever is spirit, return to spirit.

Scatter me to the North, South, East, West, and Up.

I am told I someday will be reconsonstituted.

Out of the diverse I came, into the many I go.

But someday, the spirit, soul and body will rejuvenate and be one.

The consolation of my religion is that I will someday be conscious, in my body on that other great shore, surrounded be Love and Loved Ones, and that One Great Love. The veil will be lifted, and everything I wondered, dreamed, thought about, mused about, reflected on, will be as clear as those waters will be pure. I will experience my Life as past, present and future all bound up into one, and I will praise the Creator for every trial, every evil, and yes, every good, ever sent my way when I was on the dusty globe. I will be amazed at how short that vapor of a Life truly was, and how long and neverending is the Spirit. I will sit and talk with the great philosophers who had the Law written on their hearts and enter into discussion on eternity, Fate no longer being an object of conjecture. I will walk side by side with the One Whom without nothing was created, and take every opportunity to thank Him for my creation, and for giving me the small ability to participate in a little creation. I will ruffle my boys hair as my dad ruffles mine and his dad ruffles his and marvel at the beauty of my wife, and my mother, and her mother, their hair all crowned with flowers plucked from Paradise.

So Nature, take your death.

Scatter me as you will.

Only to make the miracle that much greater!

The Heavens are Waiting

If we will understand ourselves, we will fly through the starry night as quick as thought. But the Star had to understand itself before it could shine it's light upon us. And likewise, these selfsame Heavens look upon us in their splendor and romance and flirt with us and say, 'come hither.' But we have not found ourselves yet. We continue to fight over ideas, over lands, over waters, and over slight faults, so that we remain Heaven-ignorant. But if we will approach the Quiet in ourselves, and love Love more than Strife, then Orion shall be our Home away from home. What Kingdoms must we conquer before we conquer that Kingdom? First ourselves in Love, then our neighbors' in Love, then our Cities' in Love and on the Country, and those fair Countries beyond. But we don't yet deserve to possess beyond the Moon. Our Love has not extended that far. Yet.

'You were fearfully and wonderfully made'

I think it's kind of funny I didn't start to think about origins until I hit about thirty-five years of age. Sure, I knew that in the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth, and that it was good. I even knew He knew me when He stitched me in my mother's womb. But until I reached my mid-thirties, I didn't consider 'where did it All really come from?' 'What is Fate?' 'Does my Life have a Purpose?'

There are many false roads, I believe one can be led down to answer these questions. There are many pop-psychology books that narrow your personhood down to 'types' that can tell you what line of work you're best suited for, what line of study you're best suited for, what type of mate you're best suited for, basically, everything you're best suited for, based on your answers to twenty four to fifty questions.

But Life, in my view, is too diverse, as is Personality, to be summed up by answering twenty four to fifty questions. Man is too complex an animal to be able to accurately describe how he views himself, let alone how others view him.

Then there are the Stars. I believe the Stars, the Moon and Sun included do effect man in some ways, but not to a considerable degree. One cannot deny the influence of the Moon in that it pulls the tides or the Sun in that it blows the winds. If they effect these phenomena, surely they effect us to a degree?

But aren't the Stars too concerned with their own Fates, in order to busy themselves too much with those Fates of man? For surely we have seen they have their own births and own deaths to worry themselves over. Do the Stars wonder what Stars they were born under?

The Four Cardinal Directions

North, South, East West.

But the mystical Universe is measured in ten.

North, South, East, West, Up, Down, Good, Evil, Beginning, End.

This is how the objects in the mystical Universe are located.

Not only where do these objects show up in the physical Universe, but where do they extend into the Spiritual...Good Evil Beginning End.

An object worthy of Spiritual consideration can be located in this ten point system.

'Male and Female He Created Them'

Everywhere you look in Nature, you can see the Feminine Beauty of rolling hills, lush valleys and the flowing windswept ears of corn and wheat. These soft curves and calm waves call to mind the softness of natural feminine beauty.

The rigidity of man can be found in tall stands of trees, the hardness of the slate, clay and limestone, along with the angularity of diamonds. Theses call to mind the hardness of masculinity.

The heavens echo this straightness and curveness in the angularity of the Orion stars and the smooth, soft flowing river of the Milky Way each respectively.

But alas, the feminine wins out, in that space is curved, the Galaxy is curved and the Earth curves through space.

Things don't tend toward the straight, as they are always bent somewhat, however imperceptibly, through the curve of space and gravity.

But the straight does exist conceptually. Mathematically, straight lines exist and can be be struck relatively 'straight'.

From Seneca and how to live a long life that doesn't necessarily include old age, to Thomas a' Kempis, that humble Christ's servant who said to renounce the Self is the path to God.

Seneca, through worldly wisdom shares how a young man can avoid troubles in this life.

Thomas a' Kempis offers encouragement to bear the Cross, to patiently suffer, to wait on the Lord when confronted with strife.

Seneca offers a way around suffering, while Kempis offers his way through suffering.

Seneca is astute and learned, while Kempis is willfully ignorant to the world and seeks only the knowledge of God. Kempis is Quiet, Contemplative, Soothing and reacts against worldly wisdom, while Seneca draws from worldly wisdom, quoting from, though he is the penultimate Stoic, that other wise man, Epicuris the Epicure.

So Kempis offers the single minded vision of the humble Christian servant, while Seneca draws from diverse voices and makes them his own.

Western Tradition
it's worth saving

With the recent terrorist foil in Great Britain, it has come to light that middle to upper middle class Europeans are converting to Islam and even joining in the terrorist cause, in hopes that a glorious death will result in a glorious life in Paradise.

We need to be sensitive to other cultures, this is sure.

But we also need to realize we are losing our western culture, ancient and modern, because we have turned away from the rich, diverse history we share....a history I attempt to accentuate in this blog.

Not only do we have an external history, but we also have a deep inner history that can be entirely lost through our own ignorance.

This is a battle for ideas, and we need to work to decide what ideas are worth fighting for. What idealistic systems are worth fighting for. What philosophies are worth fighting for.

In this blog, I may have presented ideas that seem misty, effervescent, foggy or even flaky. But they are taken directly from the rich Western Tradition that we come from.

The ancient history we share with those who have gone before us requires us to carry their ideas forward. This is one objective I have tried to accomplish with my musings.

I ask you to consider: Where would America be, except for Greek Rationalism? Except for Christianity? Except for it's mythology and it's democracy?

Practice...

Come on in, Friend.

Come on in, Friend, and sit down with me next to the fire.

I have laid an afghan on the seat so you can warm your legs.

Let me get you a glass of wine. A cabernet, all woody and with a hint of plum.

Let us sit and talk this out, this disagreement we have held between the two of us.

I wronged you. Out of ignorance and pain and suffering, I injured you greatly and was none the wiser.

We've both been in the heat of the battle.

The speed of day to day life has dulled both our senses so that we don't know why we're arguing anymore.

But I know the pain I caused you is real and valid, and I want to take this opportunity to say truly 'I'm sorry'.

I'm sorry for the things I've done to you and said to you.

I'm sorry for the complete self absorption in my problems and the complete lack of sympathy for your problems.

I know you hold ill will, but it would do us both good if you could just accept a now-humbled man's apology and sincere cry for mercy and let these things between us just pass away like the years have.

We don't know how long we'll be here and what tomorrow holds, so let's just let these things go.

Can we?

The Speed of Thought and Wisdom

Thought, quick as lightening, comes from who knows where, is of the World.

Wisdom is s_l_o_w.

Gained by much experience, by much reading, by much reflecting.

The imaginations, beliefs, knowledges and intelligences all can come into play.

There is Wisdom of the World, which comes through the Body. There is the Wisdom of the Divine, which comes through the Spirit. Then there's the Wisdom of the Soul which, acting as the Bridge, mediates between the Spirit and the Body.

Many philosophers have held that man's soul is One, and he could be One.

But for now, I am three, consisting of the Spirit, the Soul and the Body.

I have noticed over the years that my Soul, my thoughts and emotions, along with my Body, the instrument of sensation, have been easily disturbed. But the Spirit, the One that does the looking, the One that rests atop it all and says 'I am feeling pain', or 'I am thinking such', this Spirit is Deep and Still and Quiet.

To approach the Quiet, I sink through the Body, feelings and sensations, and then the Soul, thoughts and emotions, and then arrive at the Deep Foundation that is as Ancient as anything I know.

This Spirit, the true seat of Wisdom, is Deep and Slow and Meditative.

T h e__F o u r__A g r e e m e n t s
by Don Miguel Ruiz

I just finished this book.

This is a 'Toltec Wisdom' book.

The four agreements are:

'Be Impeccable With Your Word'

'Don't Take Anything Personally'

'Don't Make Assumptions'

and

'Always Do Your Best'

The agreements are simple, but put in the order the author presents them makes for an interesting program.

The first, I knew, would be the one I could immediately apply.

I don't remember when or where I picked it up, but somewhere along the line, I became a very sarcastic person. I have noticed that my sarcasm has been a composite entity. The intention is humor, but the humor is twinged with the slightest bit of bitterness that to me has become more obvious in my communication with people of late.

I don't want to be bitter.

So I tried the first agreement at work and at choir and at home.

I found it was really freeing to say only what I thought was beneficient, and to not poke fun.

Poking fun has it's place, when one is at play, but not all throughout life.

So as I communicated with people, I said only what I thought was good, relevant and beneficient.

It worked!

My communication these past few days has been remarkably improved.

Maybe obviously, the first thing I've noticed is people have seemed to take me more seriously and have actually listened to what I say.

The not taking things personally is always a challenge, but due to experiences from the past six years, I've actually been doing this one for quite some time.

Don't make assumptions.

Aren't we all guilty of this one? If it doesn't make sense, if you don't understand, or if you can't sense it...ask questions! I've found this one is tough because of the speed of day to day life, where it is almost demanded we make split second decisions with almost little, or even no, information! The trick for me here has been to slow down a little. Stop myself. Do I really understand what's expected? If not, I have the right to make myself better informed. The flip side of the coin is, I respect others enough to explain my expectations to them. The people in my life are worth the little bit of extra time it takes to tell them why I need something from them.

Finally,

Do Your Best

Honestly, I think I've overdone this one in the past. I tend to be goal oriented and want to get the task done efficiently and as quickly as possible while leaving no loose ends. So I've found I can actually do my best better by realizing tomorrow's another day and it's okay for things to take a little longer.

At the end of the book, Ruiz offers some prayers to the Creator I found to be very honest, universal and peaceful.

A__R e m i n d e r__F o r__O u r__A g e

The Greeks said 'He who is not happy with a little, will be unhappy with a lot'.

Jesus said Faith springs from the little mustard seed (and not the personal fiefdom) of a man.

Jesus said by what measure you judge, you will be judged.

And so, as a friend once wisely informed me, Dogma and the Letter of the Law are to be eschewed for Love and Interpretation and Living of the Scripture.

Dogma and the Law are of Empire.

And we've all seen what happens to Empire.

But Love, Charity and Faith...these three lights of the Quiet Immortality...These are what Endure!

And in our Age, there are those whose Fruits bear these Three Lights, yet they do not profess to be Christian; my friend, they are as Ancient Christian as you will find!

For you can try their Spirits, and they are Good to the Core!

That I would have an ounce of their Righteousness!

And finally, to Judgement.

If I am to be judged by what measure I judge others, do I not want to give myself as much leeway as possible?

Forgive, Forgive, Forgive!

The watchword of Christ.

70 x 7 each day we are to forgive our one brother. What about the additional 12 brothers we encounter...the number grows exponentially!

But be aware that Discrimination is the watchword of Empire.

And the unnatural inertia that has developed through the ages is to strike your brother for but a small offense.

Remember, Remember, Remember!

The still, small, humble, Rational Voices who have spoke the word of truth!

Pythagoras, Heraclitus, Democritus, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Seneca, the Buddha, the Christ, Confucious, and on now to Pope Benedict who says now that 'God is Love' and back to Martin Luther and John Kennedy and forward to Mother Theresa and back again to Theresa of Avila.

We are gifted, down through the ages, with entire Orders of the Pious and Devout who have been Devoted to the Still Small Voice.

So to the reminder of our Age.

What manifests greatly as earthly power is ephemera; but loving God and being kind to your brother...there is no firmer foundation!

S p a c e__A n d__N o w

We have looked through our telescopes and seen the fate and destruction of our Universe. We have looked upon the chaotic view of what lies beyond. We have taken the anxiety of a far-future and a Space that lies far beyond our own and is indifferent to us, and translated that into our present.

But what we have is Now.

And Now, the planets are sweeping out equal distances in equal times.

The Earth, by all sense, is not moving.

The mighty Sun is rising in the East and setting in the West.

The Moon is changing shape, from Virgin to Crone and back again.

There are many many infinities between us and dissolution.

All things locally for our Solar System (about what more should we care?) have manifested themselves Rationally and in an Ordered State.

We live on an oblate sphere (Beautiful!) that is an infinitude with a boundary, just like the field to the ant, and are a part of a Nature that supplies not only the Good, but the Bad, so Liberal She is to us!

In this Realization, we should be Charitable. And Forgiving.

For we do not 'own' or 'forfeit', for All is freely given and freely taken away!

But not 'All'.

We always at least have the essential.

A little air to breathe.

A little water to drink.

A roof over our heads.

The shirt on our backs.

'But think of the children, and what will they have.'

I am.

Pythagoras realized the Rational, assigning Number as essential, and Harmony as Divine.
Plato realized the importance of the Beautiful in all it's Forms and Love in it's guises.
Seneca and Marcus Aurelius realized the One in the World Soul, where we as Individuals originate from the One and return to the One.

In the Mythical Universe, the Way existed before the Waymaker, where the Cause followed the Effect.

The past Century, the Twentieth, we have forgotton the Rational and the Way that was shown us by Christ and the Great Philosophers.

Through Experience, we have become so Skeptical as to believe we are not Rational Beings.

Man is looking elsewhere than himself for some Reason to Live.

But that which does the Looking is what we are Looking for.

The Rational is still intact, the Voice is just stiller and smaller.

We can still follow Logic, develop Good Habits, and Commiserate with one another.

We can recover what the twentieth century stole from us...our innocence.

God is not dead.

And neither are you!

W h a t__I n f i n i t y__ L o o k s__L i k e

The field is an acre square.

The ant must take every conceivable path through the field.

First through these stalks and stems this way, then through those stalks and stems another way, and then through these stalks and stems yet another way.

In order for the ant to begin it's paths through Infinity, it must first transcend it's purpose and work and realize there are so many paths to take.

Then the ant must live out however many lifetimes are necessary in order to traverse through the field.

The field itself is changing...some stems are no longer there...some fruit has fallen from trees to overcome, adding new paths yet to be taken.

Then the farmer blows through the field in one day with his combine.

This is what Infinity looks like.

W h y___I___A s k

Firstly, so you won't have to.

Because I have always been sure of things, only then to find they've changed.

Because things change.

Because I know truth when I see or hear it.

Because I'm in love with the Beautiful.

Because we participate in Nature, and the perfection of it.

Because this is the preferred perception from which to ask.

Because God has been kind to me.

Because it's the right time to ask.

Because the answers come by wrestling them from Nature and the Universe.

Because so many before me have.

So I can share what my answers are and that they may be the same for others.

Because I've lived ignorantly, and having been exposed to a little bit of wisdom, I've realized I was blind.

Because some things never change.

But mostly because it'e my nature!

T a k e n___F o r___G r a n t e d

Somewhere along the line, actually around six years ago, I got a big wakeup call that I was taking alot for granted.
Family, friends, personal health, enjoyment in life.
I came to the realization that I was taking all these things that can be taken away, for granted.
They were gratis.
And so now I deal with the two sided coin.
On one side is the humble realization I have all of these things and on the other side of the coin is the fearful resignation it could all be taken away.
God grant me the wisdom to ever be humble for what blessings I have, and show me your mercy in allowing me to keep them.