Kev's Musings and Shared Journal

The Flesh and the Spirit

The two kingdoms. One of Flesh, one of Spirit. I live in both.

When I was young, I was taught in Sunday School and Church that sin is of the Flesh, while Faith is of the Spirit. I was taught that the ultimate way to live was to live as much in the Spirit as possible, and as little in the Flesh as possible.

And so I did. I attended Church and Sunday School on a regular basis on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, and Thursday evenings. I attended Youth Group on Friday evenings.

I was surrounded by people who wanted to live in Spirit at least four times a week. This not counting when we had revivals, when the services would be held each evening of the revival week.

I tasted the Kingdom. The world of Spirit made manifest; the underlying world of Faith, Hope and Charity.

And then I grew into a young adult and my priorities changed. I no longer felt comfortable attending Youth Group, even though at the time I was in my early twenties. Sunday School was too early in the morning on Sundays, and Thursday and Sunday nights the services ran too late for week nights when I had to be at work the next morning.

Slowly, the temptations of the Flesh set in. I could go out drinking with the guys. I was twenty one! I could skip Church and stay at home to watch MTV or a movie rental. I could go to a nice restaraunt and satisfy my palate with a fine steak.

In short, the animal nature took hold and the pleasure of the senses beckoned.

At first, it was highly fulfilling to dive into such secular enjoyments. Afterall, what was better than a fine slice of prime rib and a great salad bar, followed by a night of drinking out on the town?

But my appetite, instead of being sated, only enlarged itself until my stomach might as well have preceded me as I walked through the door. During those years, I had a metabolism that allowed me to stay thin, even though I was one of the biggest gluttons you could imagine. I overate, I overdrank, I oversmoked.

But I did not realize my gluttony or the enlargement of my appetite at the time. Like a vicious whirlpool that sucked me in, the life of the senses, the Flesh, had me in it's clutches and I didn't even know it!

With all my senses, the Flesh, being overbloated to the point of being pornographic, my Spirit not coincidentally began to wane. When I did attend Church, it was the norm for me to listen to the Pastor's message and then get on with the rest of the day without any reflection over what the Minister had said that Sunday morning. I began to lose interest in reading the Bible, and rarely prayed before meals, never praying before falling asleep.

While my Flesh was getting 'fatter' and 'fatter', my Spirit was getting 'skinnier' and 'skinnier'. And most importantly, I did not realize at the time that this was even happening!

So went my Spirit.

Had there been no trajedies occur, I would have went on in this manner indefinitely. But God sends His rain to fall on the Just and the Unjust, and I began to experience some 'thunderstorms'. I lost a good paying job. People in my family fell ill. I myself went through some psychic traumas due to the 'storms' blowing through my life and found my resiliancy, my ability to bounce back were greatly diminished.

There was no underlying Rationality, nothing made sense, and stress became completely overwhelming at times.

I would find myself at home in bed, with all the covers wrapped around me at 3:00 in the afternoon, presumably hoping to keep the world at bay.

Sometimes when there is a thunderstorm, the clouds part slightly, and in the midst of the strongest rain and lightning, the sunlight pours through to let you know it's still there.

Fortunately, this was how my Fleshly thunderstorms went. In the midst of hearing the worst news, people from my past would pop up and deliver a kind or reassuring message. There would be days when Heaven would seem to open up and all the 'stuff' would become crystal clear and I would know exactly what needed to be done.

There were times when I'd be driving down a highway in my car, and the Spirit would break through my Fleshly troubles, and I would find myself sobbing, in complete awe of the Saviour.

Temperance. Sweet Temperance.

Now that I'm older, I realize that lack of temperance was causing much of my troubles. My Flesh is not designed to be overindulged, and my Spirit is not designed to be a mouse timidly running around in my house of Flesh.

I had to strike a balance.

Spirit and Flesh, Flesh and Spiri. The two I realize now are opposing partners sitting on the same seesaw. The balancing act I undergo each day is to try to keep that seesaw as level to the ground as possible.

If I live too much in Spirit, the practical ends of life for myself and my family are not met. I can't opt to pray for hours on end, locked away in a room in silent meditation concealed from my family. For one, I would not be a good Father or Husband, for two, the house would eventually cave in and the grass would never get mowed.

Likewise though, pandering to the flesh in an of itself leads to an early grave. The great Philosophers, the Biblical Scriptures, and the Saviour say so. If I spent all my time satisfying the needs of the Flesh, my Spirit would ultimately become corrrupted to perhaps the point of no return.

There are still days when I know I don't have it right yet. There are days still when I feel completely overwhelmed by Life and Strife, and feel there is no escaping my troubles.

But as I've paid more attention to the Spirit, I've found the underlying foundation of Faith, Hope and Charity is still intact, and that these ultimate resources are still there for me to fall back on.

My prayer: God help me strike the Balance!