Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Vis a' Vis
In my first year of college, I was challenged by a certain English professor to take off my blinders. To see the world through as little filters as possible. At that time, I was made aware for the first time in my life, I was viewing Reality through filters. The histories, the religion, the ethics, the psychology, all inherited and all acting as filters.
Being stubborn, I clung to my inherited worldview. I was going to have to learn the hardway.
And sure enough, not till I reached my late thirties, did I have enough catastrophic experiences to shake me out of my preferred perception. Through experience, I learned that my way was one way of viewing the world, and was tenuous, shaky and in some facets, downright fairy tale and ephemeral in nature. I experienced the reality of day to day suffering that many on the planet have grown accustomed to and have learned to take for granted, as gratis.
I think of the violent and brutal exposure to the realities of day to day life taught me to be first, compassionate, then tolerant, then more spiritual and less religious, and finally a little wiser, a little more courageous, and far more temperate.
I had to learn the hardway. By experience. Perhaps you can learn from my example prudentially. Be kind to others. Know that people around you are suffering. Show them compassion daily. Don't argue religion, this is what wars are made of. Same with politics. Your way is not the only way of doing things. There is a wealth of knowledge to be gained by other people from all walks of life. People, if not well read, then by and large are well experienced. We all have made mistakes. Be kind to yourself. Learn to forgive yourself! Give yourself a break! As a wise philosopher once said, 'we live forwards, but learn backwards'. We all are constanstly thrust into a future we do not remember, so we should at least remember the past and learn from it! This sounds arcane, but I've found it to be true to seek 'the harmonious balance of opposites.' What this means is, much of life is merciful and severe. You are taking the middle path by being moderate in your thought, desire and action. Be mild with others in your speech and in your actions toward them. Be humble with self confidence. Treat others with dignity, and expect the same for yourself. We are all in the same boat in that man poses endless need and endless danger. Desires are the neverending hallmarks of our hearts and we can be so dangerous in obtaining them!
Finally, to date, I would say the saying we've all heard a million times before is worth repeating here one more time.
The best things in life are free.
Sunsets, sunrises, waxing and waning moons, orion belt stars, milky ways, summer breezes and winter winds, the chirping of crickets, all this wealth continually surrounding us deserves our reverence and thankfulness, so that it will not all be taken for granted!
Peace!
In my first year of college, I was challenged by a certain English professor to take off my blinders. To see the world through as little filters as possible. At that time, I was made aware for the first time in my life, I was viewing Reality through filters. The histories, the religion, the ethics, the psychology, all inherited and all acting as filters.
Being stubborn, I clung to my inherited worldview. I was going to have to learn the hardway.
And sure enough, not till I reached my late thirties, did I have enough catastrophic experiences to shake me out of my preferred perception. Through experience, I learned that my way was one way of viewing the world, and was tenuous, shaky and in some facets, downright fairy tale and ephemeral in nature. I experienced the reality of day to day suffering that many on the planet have grown accustomed to and have learned to take for granted, as gratis.
I think of the violent and brutal exposure to the realities of day to day life taught me to be first, compassionate, then tolerant, then more spiritual and less religious, and finally a little wiser, a little more courageous, and far more temperate.
I had to learn the hardway. By experience. Perhaps you can learn from my example prudentially. Be kind to others. Know that people around you are suffering. Show them compassion daily. Don't argue religion, this is what wars are made of. Same with politics. Your way is not the only way of doing things. There is a wealth of knowledge to be gained by other people from all walks of life. People, if not well read, then by and large are well experienced. We all have made mistakes. Be kind to yourself. Learn to forgive yourself! Give yourself a break! As a wise philosopher once said, 'we live forwards, but learn backwards'. We all are constanstly thrust into a future we do not remember, so we should at least remember the past and learn from it! This sounds arcane, but I've found it to be true to seek 'the harmonious balance of opposites.' What this means is, much of life is merciful and severe. You are taking the middle path by being moderate in your thought, desire and action. Be mild with others in your speech and in your actions toward them. Be humble with self confidence. Treat others with dignity, and expect the same for yourself. We are all in the same boat in that man poses endless need and endless danger. Desires are the neverending hallmarks of our hearts and we can be so dangerous in obtaining them!
Finally, to date, I would say the saying we've all heard a million times before is worth repeating here one more time.
The best things in life are free.
Sunsets, sunrises, waxing and waning moons, orion belt stars, milky ways, summer breezes and winter winds, the chirping of crickets, all this wealth continually surrounding us deserves our reverence and thankfulness, so that it will not all be taken for granted!
Peace!
Sunday, September 24, 2006
These are the times
The Sun has moved to the south
And the breezes are now winds
The Moon takes it's place in the sky
and the Stars move in their paths through the night.
These are the times
When I am separated from you
my mother, my father,
but now I am Father who has his son.
From six to three, my new family,
Husband Mother Son
The primal three who honor you in our Peace
Who remember you in the blood of our veins.
Over the piano your picture hangs
but most, your image is completed in our hearts
How could I ever forget your face?
Your loving arms, your kind advices?
I see the echos of mannerisms, of words
spoke from the fathers heart, the son's soul,
repeats your actions to me in time.
Is there any difference from son to father?
What you began continues in me and in him
and will continue on from this generation to the next
the same actions, stories, myths and truths
transmitted by voices over the times
And I then will be grandfather, one in the great chain
I will look to my son and see the man you see now in me
And I will say 'it is good' and most, will know it's good
And the memory will continue on in it's Peace.
The Sun has moved to the south
And the breezes are now winds
The Moon takes it's place in the sky
and the Stars move in their paths through the night.
These are the times
When I am separated from you
my mother, my father,
but now I am Father who has his son.
From six to three, my new family,
Husband Mother Son
The primal three who honor you in our Peace
Who remember you in the blood of our veins.
Over the piano your picture hangs
but most, your image is completed in our hearts
How could I ever forget your face?
Your loving arms, your kind advices?
I see the echos of mannerisms, of words
spoke from the fathers heart, the son's soul,
repeats your actions to me in time.
Is there any difference from son to father?
What you began continues in me and in him
and will continue on from this generation to the next
the same actions, stories, myths and truths
transmitted by voices over the times
And I then will be grandfather, one in the great chain
I will look to my son and see the man you see now in me
And I will say 'it is good' and most, will know it's good
And the memory will continue on in it's Peace.
Friday, September 22, 2006
This is my song, baby
And I'm gonna sing it out loud
maybe off tune from time to time
and I may let you join in with your harmony
you can lip sync or let it ring
the choice is yours
this is my song, baby
i was born to a moonshot
and two shots that rang 'round this little world
jfk and martin luther
you both died before you could teach me
but you each get a verse
or maybe on to a chorus or refrain
this is my song baby
when i wore army jackets in the seventies
and you, my brothers were at the war
fought a long, long, long way away
and you came back all melancholy and messed up
but we went to beech bend and saw the car races
and collected the empty steel beercans 'neath the bleachers
this is my song baby,
your mother fed me dinner and gave me hugs and advice
and we built our skateboards and fixed up our bikes
and played our older brothers' records on Realistic stereos
black sabbath, yes, jeff beck and the rolling stones
were our soundtrack as we crashed in the streets and bummed our knees
this is my song, baby,
and you can sing your own
and mine may harmonize with yours
where our parents were shared
and our families were one
this is my song, baby,
I went to Florida and Cave In Rock and California
and I camped in the cool Wisconsin Fall weather
all the airstreams had their lamplights out in the night
and we ran from camper to camper cause we were all One
and in the day, we dove in the cold clear waters
and got free icecreams from your sister at her stand
and then iceskated at the town center rink
this is my song, baby
I saw the New Mexico sky and the Arizona Desert
and that huge meteor crater out in the middle of nowhere
and I drank it all in to my little body and was big with the pleasure
I was on Pacific Coast Highway when the mudslides careered houses
through the cars and we waited in traffic for hours,
me skateboarding serpentine through the opened doors
this is my song, baby
and the tune is still playing
it just goes on and on
sometimes a happy melody
sometimes the saddest refrain,
and i'll keep singing it 'till the day i die.
And I'm gonna sing it out loud
maybe off tune from time to time
and I may let you join in with your harmony
you can lip sync or let it ring
the choice is yours
this is my song, baby
i was born to a moonshot
and two shots that rang 'round this little world
jfk and martin luther
you both died before you could teach me
but you each get a verse
or maybe on to a chorus or refrain
this is my song baby
when i wore army jackets in the seventies
and you, my brothers were at the war
fought a long, long, long way away
and you came back all melancholy and messed up
but we went to beech bend and saw the car races
and collected the empty steel beercans 'neath the bleachers
this is my song baby,
your mother fed me dinner and gave me hugs and advice
and we built our skateboards and fixed up our bikes
and played our older brothers' records on Realistic stereos
black sabbath, yes, jeff beck and the rolling stones
were our soundtrack as we crashed in the streets and bummed our knees
this is my song, baby,
and you can sing your own
and mine may harmonize with yours
where our parents were shared
and our families were one
this is my song, baby,
I went to Florida and Cave In Rock and California
and I camped in the cool Wisconsin Fall weather
all the airstreams had their lamplights out in the night
and we ran from camper to camper cause we were all One
and in the day, we dove in the cold clear waters
and got free icecreams from your sister at her stand
and then iceskated at the town center rink
this is my song, baby
I saw the New Mexico sky and the Arizona Desert
and that huge meteor crater out in the middle of nowhere
and I drank it all in to my little body and was big with the pleasure
I was on Pacific Coast Highway when the mudslides careered houses
through the cars and we waited in traffic for hours,
me skateboarding serpentine through the opened doors
this is my song, baby
and the tune is still playing
it just goes on and on
sometimes a happy melody
sometimes the saddest refrain,
and i'll keep singing it 'till the day i die.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
The Great Divide
In his little book 'The Undiscovered Self', C.G. Jung describes the problem of science vs. religion. For modern man, science has become the preferred language of experience. Every thing must be measured by length, mass, charge and time to be useful, and what falls outside these categories becomes irrational and superfluous. The Church on the other hand simply asks men to have more Faith when confronted with such questions as 'why is there so much evil in the world'? Or 'why is there seemingly no justice?' or 'why do the evil prosper while the good suffer?'
So on one side is the cold sterilization of the scientific method and on the other the hot demand of 'you must have more Faith!'
To me, the Reality that science and religion are describing is the same entity, it's just explained in different terms. Science deals in empirical conditional truths while religion deals in solid mythical truths. And mythical in the sense that the Bible, in spite of the fact it is not scientifically verifiable in many ways, still contains a wealth of spiritual truths.
These truths, these scientific and religious truths stand alone and are equally valid, and even share some characteristic at least in the fact that both camps have truths that are universal.
On the one hand, the theory of gravity is universal in it's simplicity and application to all material objects, as 'thou shalt not kill' is universal on the spiritual side of things in that the dignity in humanity is to be revered and held sacred for all mortal souls.
Some evangelical Christians have a problem when one applies the word 'mythical' to the Christian experience. But it is only mythical in the sense that Jesus currently cannot be measured by length, mass, charge or time. 'Blessed is he who believes, yet has not seen', He said.
When Jesus came to earth, born of a humble birth, raised in humble surroundings in the country, He did not couch his teachings in greek rationalist terms. He spoke in simple parables, largely for the audience He was confronting. This my friend, is the language of Myth, although it be a Living Myth!
Einstein, in his turn, I think raised a few empiricist eyebrows when he declared that imagination is more important than intelligence.
So what makes a teacher great, whether scientific or spiritual, is the fact he can step outside the normal mode of communication for his field of expertise, spirituality in Christ's case, scientism in Einstein's case, and speak scientifically, though spiritual, and speak spiritually, though scientific!
Science, to me is a function of the state, where it serves to improve the lives of millions materially of people. Jesus, when He said 'Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's', gave the State and all of it's sciences, props.
It would do science some good to have more of it's outspoken teachers who would appreciate the spiritual more in the human experience.
But for now, there is still the great divide, the great schism of our time, in my humble opinion.
In his little book 'The Undiscovered Self', C.G. Jung describes the problem of science vs. religion. For modern man, science has become the preferred language of experience. Every thing must be measured by length, mass, charge and time to be useful, and what falls outside these categories becomes irrational and superfluous. The Church on the other hand simply asks men to have more Faith when confronted with such questions as 'why is there so much evil in the world'? Or 'why is there seemingly no justice?' or 'why do the evil prosper while the good suffer?'
So on one side is the cold sterilization of the scientific method and on the other the hot demand of 'you must have more Faith!'
To me, the Reality that science and religion are describing is the same entity, it's just explained in different terms. Science deals in empirical conditional truths while religion deals in solid mythical truths. And mythical in the sense that the Bible, in spite of the fact it is not scientifically verifiable in many ways, still contains a wealth of spiritual truths.
These truths, these scientific and religious truths stand alone and are equally valid, and even share some characteristic at least in the fact that both camps have truths that are universal.
On the one hand, the theory of gravity is universal in it's simplicity and application to all material objects, as 'thou shalt not kill' is universal on the spiritual side of things in that the dignity in humanity is to be revered and held sacred for all mortal souls.
Some evangelical Christians have a problem when one applies the word 'mythical' to the Christian experience. But it is only mythical in the sense that Jesus currently cannot be measured by length, mass, charge or time. 'Blessed is he who believes, yet has not seen', He said.
When Jesus came to earth, born of a humble birth, raised in humble surroundings in the country, He did not couch his teachings in greek rationalist terms. He spoke in simple parables, largely for the audience He was confronting. This my friend, is the language of Myth, although it be a Living Myth!
Einstein, in his turn, I think raised a few empiricist eyebrows when he declared that imagination is more important than intelligence.
So what makes a teacher great, whether scientific or spiritual, is the fact he can step outside the normal mode of communication for his field of expertise, spirituality in Christ's case, scientism in Einstein's case, and speak scientifically, though spiritual, and speak spiritually, though scientific!
Science, to me is a function of the state, where it serves to improve the lives of millions materially of people. Jesus, when He said 'Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's', gave the State and all of it's sciences, props.
It would do science some good to have more of it's outspoken teachers who would appreciate the spiritual more in the human experience.
But for now, there is still the great divide, the great schism of our time, in my humble opinion.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Van Morrison
'The Lion This Time'
The lion this time again
He’s in the circus in a cage
He’s trying to break out of the frame
The lion this time
He hears that same old sad refrain
But they can’t hold him with no chain
And they just can’t denounce his claim
The lion again
And he’s trying to get free
He knows that something’s bothering me
That I’m not too blind to see
The lion again
Oh, the love that’s in his soul
Is trying to get out you know
If only you could hear it roar
The lion again this time
They couldn’t take away his throne
He knows that he must stand alone
If need be, have a heart of stone
The lion again
The lion this time again
He’s in the circus in a cage
No wonder that he’s in a rage
The lion again
And he’s trying to get free
And he knows that something’s bothering me
Oh, but I’m not too blind to see
The lion this time
The longing that’s in his soul
Is trying to get out you know
Only you could hear it roar
For the lion this time
They couldn’t take away his throne
He knows that he must stand alone
If need be have a heart of stone
The lion again
The lion again this time
He’s in the circus in a cage
No wonder that he’s in a rage
The lion this time
The lion this time again
He’s in the circus in a cage
No wonder that he’s not the same
The lion again
The lion this time,
the lion this time
The lion this time,
the lion this timeThe lion this time, the lion this timeThe lion this time, the lion this timeThe lion this time
'The Lion This Time'
The lion this time again
He’s in the circus in a cage
He’s trying to break out of the frame
The lion this time
He hears that same old sad refrain
But they can’t hold him with no chain
And they just can’t denounce his claim
The lion again
And he’s trying to get free
He knows that something’s bothering me
That I’m not too blind to see
The lion again
Oh, the love that’s in his soul
Is trying to get out you know
If only you could hear it roar
The lion again this time
They couldn’t take away his throne
He knows that he must stand alone
If need be, have a heart of stone
The lion again
The lion this time again
He’s in the circus in a cage
No wonder that he’s in a rage
The lion again
And he’s trying to get free
And he knows that something’s bothering me
Oh, but I’m not too blind to see
The lion this time
The longing that’s in his soul
Is trying to get out you know
Only you could hear it roar
For the lion this time
They couldn’t take away his throne
He knows that he must stand alone
If need be have a heart of stone
The lion again
The lion again this time
He’s in the circus in a cage
No wonder that he’s in a rage
The lion this time
The lion this time again
He’s in the circus in a cage
No wonder that he’s not the same
The lion again
The lion this time,
the lion this time
The lion this time,
the lion this timeThe lion this time, the lion this timeThe lion this time, the lion this timeThe lion this time
You have to fail.
And that, miserably.
You have to take on some responsibility that at the outset seems easy enough, but then have an addition of a couple of more seemingly light duties to the picture. Then you have to attempt to prioritize, decide what needs to be done in what order. And do this completely wrong. You have to move on to desperation, knowing there is no end in sight, and that you have gotten involved in something unsavory you wish you could, but cannot, get out of. And then you have to fail. Gloriously, personally, socially, intellectually, emotionally, having given it your all, you have to become completely destroyed.
What is left when you come out the other side friend, is what you're made of and what endures!
And that, miserably.
You have to take on some responsibility that at the outset seems easy enough, but then have an addition of a couple of more seemingly light duties to the picture. Then you have to attempt to prioritize, decide what needs to be done in what order. And do this completely wrong. You have to move on to desperation, knowing there is no end in sight, and that you have gotten involved in something unsavory you wish you could, but cannot, get out of. And then you have to fail. Gloriously, personally, socially, intellectually, emotionally, having given it your all, you have to become completely destroyed.
What is left when you come out the other side friend, is what you're made of and what endures!
Changefulness
The second principle of Gothic Beauty according to John Ruskin. And I say we can apply it to Beauty in general. It's modes, according again to Ruskin, are those of monatonous and abrupt characters. The first is epitomized by the waves in the ocean where they are individually unique, but rising, cresting and falling, they look much the same as each other. A slow, gradual change from one wave to the next. The last, abrupt change is epitomized by the standing stone. A flat plain of grasses is interrupted by a vertical stone, rudely imposing itself onto the landscape.
The first sort of change, monotanous, is characteristic of society. Though society is made up of unique individuals, they tend toward a statistical idealized 'person' who is roughly 5'9" tall and who watches television and listens to the radio and drives to work and spends leisure time with the family, where this is the ocean of humanity. Where safety is. People who thrive in the oceanic are those who are constantly concerned about what music other people are listening to, and by god, want to make sure they listen to it too. Or they are concerned about what shows other people are watching, and by god, they will watch them and enjoy them too. 'There is safety in numbers' is the primal slogan of the group. This sort of society will only be upset by natural disasters, political upheavals, disease, terrorism, and so on. Taking into account the group, creeds are the dogma of this mass of humanity. 'We believe in God the Father' rules the spiritual mindset of humanity taken as a whole. The flip, or dark side to living rooted in the group is that socialism, with all of it's bug a bears, is the rational political system for dealing with idealized persons. Economically, the group can have any color vehicle they want, as long as it's black.
Then there is the standing stone mentality. The wave shares water common with the ocean in it's entirety, but it is completely unique in it's volume, it's specific gravity, it rise, crest and fall, it's duration and so on. There is an abrupt break from the crowd. The internet, loaded with the digital music for the entire population, is perfected in the personal playlist of an individual. Accidental features, hair color, eye color, height, build, all are realized in personal style and attitude. 'I yam what I yam' Popeye said. Taken spiritually, this person eschews Dogma for Religion, where the personal unfoldment of the Divine as experienced first hand with little intermediaries is paramount. Martin Luther would be a religious Icon for the Individual, the Personality, the Person experiencing True Personhood. An abrupt break of an individual from the Church.
The trick is that Beauty is the combination of monatonous and abrupt change. You have to know when to subsume yourself to the group, and when to stand up and be counted. Both of these aspects of Change have their place in humanity, and are each beautiful in their own right, in that they both are vital components of Beauty. Happiness is stability in the oceanic, the social, as well as personal expression in the standing stone mentality of the individual.
The second principle of Gothic Beauty according to John Ruskin. And I say we can apply it to Beauty in general. It's modes, according again to Ruskin, are those of monatonous and abrupt characters. The first is epitomized by the waves in the ocean where they are individually unique, but rising, cresting and falling, they look much the same as each other. A slow, gradual change from one wave to the next. The last, abrupt change is epitomized by the standing stone. A flat plain of grasses is interrupted by a vertical stone, rudely imposing itself onto the landscape.
The first sort of change, monotanous, is characteristic of society. Though society is made up of unique individuals, they tend toward a statistical idealized 'person' who is roughly 5'9" tall and who watches television and listens to the radio and drives to work and spends leisure time with the family, where this is the ocean of humanity. Where safety is. People who thrive in the oceanic are those who are constantly concerned about what music other people are listening to, and by god, want to make sure they listen to it too. Or they are concerned about what shows other people are watching, and by god, they will watch them and enjoy them too. 'There is safety in numbers' is the primal slogan of the group. This sort of society will only be upset by natural disasters, political upheavals, disease, terrorism, and so on. Taking into account the group, creeds are the dogma of this mass of humanity. 'We believe in God the Father' rules the spiritual mindset of humanity taken as a whole. The flip, or dark side to living rooted in the group is that socialism, with all of it's bug a bears, is the rational political system for dealing with idealized persons. Economically, the group can have any color vehicle they want, as long as it's black.
Then there is the standing stone mentality. The wave shares water common with the ocean in it's entirety, but it is completely unique in it's volume, it's specific gravity, it rise, crest and fall, it's duration and so on. There is an abrupt break from the crowd. The internet, loaded with the digital music for the entire population, is perfected in the personal playlist of an individual. Accidental features, hair color, eye color, height, build, all are realized in personal style and attitude. 'I yam what I yam' Popeye said. Taken spiritually, this person eschews Dogma for Religion, where the personal unfoldment of the Divine as experienced first hand with little intermediaries is paramount. Martin Luther would be a religious Icon for the Individual, the Personality, the Person experiencing True Personhood. An abrupt break of an individual from the Church.
The trick is that Beauty is the combination of monatonous and abrupt change. You have to know when to subsume yourself to the group, and when to stand up and be counted. Both of these aspects of Change have their place in humanity, and are each beautiful in their own right, in that they both are vital components of Beauty. Happiness is stability in the oceanic, the social, as well as personal expression in the standing stone mentality of the individual.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell
It is the early nineteenth century in merry old London. Magic has not seriously been practiced for over two hundred years in England. There are only street magicians with dirty yellow curtains who steal childrens pennies by performing sleights of hand. The Raven King is romantacised and remembered, but only as a shady figure from a shadier past. Enter Mr. Norrell. A slight, modest gentleman who has quietly amassed the largest library of Magic in recent memory and has studied his tomes eight hours a day for the past five years. Mr. Norrell is convinced that Magic, serious practical magic, and not the theoretical kind studied by such groups as the York Society of Magicians, must make a comeback in modern England. For what reason? For one, to help the military in it's efforts against Napolean. But wait, there is another magician waiting in the wings. One named Mr. Jonathan Strange...
It is the early nineteenth century in merry old London. Magic has not seriously been practiced for over two hundred years in England. There are only street magicians with dirty yellow curtains who steal childrens pennies by performing sleights of hand. The Raven King is romantacised and remembered, but only as a shady figure from a shadier past. Enter Mr. Norrell. A slight, modest gentleman who has quietly amassed the largest library of Magic in recent memory and has studied his tomes eight hours a day for the past five years. Mr. Norrell is convinced that Magic, serious practical magic, and not the theoretical kind studied by such groups as the York Society of Magicians, must make a comeback in modern England. For what reason? For one, to help the military in it's efforts against Napolean. But wait, there is another magician waiting in the wings. One named Mr. Jonathan Strange...
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Under the spell of a dark god
As I have revealed in previous posts, I suffered three nervous breakdowns at around the turn of the millenium. I was subsequently diagnosed as suffering from psychotic episodes accompianied by depression and schizoeffective disorder.
My particular disorders are being managed by psychiatric care. I see a psychiatrist on a regular basis and am on some potent pharmaceuticals.
So depression, anxiety, bizarre thoughts, all are constant threats to my day to day life.
Out of the blue, I can be attacked by the most insidious fear, the most cloaked anxiety, or the most bizarre paranoia.
My condition is managed.
Not cured.
But so far, gratefully, I am able to be a decent husband to my wife, a doting father to my son, an average employee to my employer, a member of my church choir, and I manage to get through the days for the most part uneventfully.
I have modern science and an awareness by the public that mental disorders are treatable to thank for my place in society. If I had experienced my breakdowns not too far in the past, I would have been institutionalized indefinitely. Thankfully, there are drugs and psychiatric techniques now that enable me to be able to carry on fairly normally.
Everyone has questions in their lives that go unanswered.
The ones that I deal with are: How did these things happen to me? What caused them to hit me out of the blue? Why did they happen?
But alas, these are the dark thoughts I labor under and wonder over only on occassion.
Any more than occassionally would be unbearable.
As I have revealed in previous posts, I suffered three nervous breakdowns at around the turn of the millenium. I was subsequently diagnosed as suffering from psychotic episodes accompianied by depression and schizoeffective disorder.
My particular disorders are being managed by psychiatric care. I see a psychiatrist on a regular basis and am on some potent pharmaceuticals.
So depression, anxiety, bizarre thoughts, all are constant threats to my day to day life.
Out of the blue, I can be attacked by the most insidious fear, the most cloaked anxiety, or the most bizarre paranoia.
My condition is managed.
Not cured.
But so far, gratefully, I am able to be a decent husband to my wife, a doting father to my son, an average employee to my employer, a member of my church choir, and I manage to get through the days for the most part uneventfully.
I have modern science and an awareness by the public that mental disorders are treatable to thank for my place in society. If I had experienced my breakdowns not too far in the past, I would have been institutionalized indefinitely. Thankfully, there are drugs and psychiatric techniques now that enable me to be able to carry on fairly normally.
Everyone has questions in their lives that go unanswered.
The ones that I deal with are: How did these things happen to me? What caused them to hit me out of the blue? Why did they happen?
But alas, these are the dark thoughts I labor under and wonder over only on occassion.
Any more than occassionally would be unbearable.
Courage
it has been said, is managed fear. I agree. At every corner, there is something that could potentially be life threatening or injurious. The speed of day to day life tends to blur the lines between mindfulness and expediency, and this certainly does not help matters any. Childhood experiences, adolescent carelessness, youthful indulgences, and now on to more mature realizations, all point to the fact that life is fraught with danger. One can only repress the daily dangers one encounters for so long until finally the fear is made manifest in a palpable, bitter tasting sensation at the back of the throat. There is fear present in the world at large, if not the living under a possible atomic holocaust, then now the terrorist threat that dogs us. There is fear socially in hopes that your family will not come to harm and that friends and extended families will not encounter evil, on down to the personal, where health and wellbeing both physically and mentally are not to be taken for granted.
So while fear can be found at every turn, you also find Courage in it's space and in those ordinary people you see from day to day living out ordinary lives.
After 9/11, this to me is the extraordinary Courage of Americans, in that they continue to lead their ordinary lives.
Soccer games, Boy Scout meetings, Church socials, Knitting Circles, all quietly attest to something one greater even then Courage. I think and I hope it's called Resolve.
it has been said, is managed fear. I agree. At every corner, there is something that could potentially be life threatening or injurious. The speed of day to day life tends to blur the lines between mindfulness and expediency, and this certainly does not help matters any. Childhood experiences, adolescent carelessness, youthful indulgences, and now on to more mature realizations, all point to the fact that life is fraught with danger. One can only repress the daily dangers one encounters for so long until finally the fear is made manifest in a palpable, bitter tasting sensation at the back of the throat. There is fear present in the world at large, if not the living under a possible atomic holocaust, then now the terrorist threat that dogs us. There is fear socially in hopes that your family will not come to harm and that friends and extended families will not encounter evil, on down to the personal, where health and wellbeing both physically and mentally are not to be taken for granted.
So while fear can be found at every turn, you also find Courage in it's space and in those ordinary people you see from day to day living out ordinary lives.
After 9/11, this to me is the extraordinary Courage of Americans, in that they continue to lead their ordinary lives.
Soccer games, Boy Scout meetings, Church socials, Knitting Circles, all quietly attest to something one greater even then Courage. I think and I hope it's called Resolve.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Life has never been the same since that day...
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Technology and Human Nature
Technology, propelled by the coldness of intellect. The analytical and synthetic reasoning powers that the sciences use.
Human Nature, unfolding through time at a relatively slow rate compared to technology. Ruled by the psychic processes of the soul. Sensation, intuition, thinking and feeling. Extroverted and introverted both present themselves in a steady state of realization.
When you fall behind technologically, a predicament I have found myself in the past few years, as in I had no cell phone, no digital music, no Tivo, you feel disoriented and slightly out of place. It's as if there is a disconnect between yourself and the society at large.
But in this state, you simply are perceived to be slow. Not with it. Out of sync.
The worse state, in my estimation, is to be disconnected from Nature at large. Ignorant of the spring and fall equinoxes and the summer and winter solstices. Ignorant of the waxing and waning moon. A lack of walking through wet grass barefoot is much more damaging to the soul than not having the cookies on your computer activated.
So, I suppose lack of technology effects you socially, while a disconnect of Nature at large effects you personally.
Technology, propelled by the coldness of intellect. The analytical and synthetic reasoning powers that the sciences use.
Human Nature, unfolding through time at a relatively slow rate compared to technology. Ruled by the psychic processes of the soul. Sensation, intuition, thinking and feeling. Extroverted and introverted both present themselves in a steady state of realization.
When you fall behind technologically, a predicament I have found myself in the past few years, as in I had no cell phone, no digital music, no Tivo, you feel disoriented and slightly out of place. It's as if there is a disconnect between yourself and the society at large.
But in this state, you simply are perceived to be slow. Not with it. Out of sync.
The worse state, in my estimation, is to be disconnected from Nature at large. Ignorant of the spring and fall equinoxes and the summer and winter solstices. Ignorant of the waxing and waning moon. A lack of walking through wet grass barefoot is much more damaging to the soul than not having the cookies on your computer activated.
So, I suppose lack of technology effects you socially, while a disconnect of Nature at large effects you personally.
Digital Music Player
I remember 78's from when I was a kid. Big, thick, clunky records. Then came LP's. Thin vinyl records that could melt in your car on the way home from the record store. And there were cartridges made of plastic that had a tape inside called eight tracks that you could buy artists ranging from the BeeGees and Abba to Floyd Cramer and Mahalia Jackson. Unbelievably, they made the cartridges even smaller, called cassettes that now you could even record your favorite songs from your LP's to the tape just by setting the needle and hitting the record button just at the right time.
If you would have forecasted, in 1970, that I would be able to down load digitally songs from an 'internet' off a 'personal computer' onto a tiny hard drive with 3 gigs worth of memory and then carry the hard drive around in my pocket whilst listening to my favorite artists, I surely would have said you were mad.
But sure enough, you can, and sure enough I do.
This is one reason to believe man is only limited by his imagination.
Thanks to mom and dad for the player.
I remember 78's from when I was a kid. Big, thick, clunky records. Then came LP's. Thin vinyl records that could melt in your car on the way home from the record store. And there were cartridges made of plastic that had a tape inside called eight tracks that you could buy artists ranging from the BeeGees and Abba to Floyd Cramer and Mahalia Jackson. Unbelievably, they made the cartridges even smaller, called cassettes that now you could even record your favorite songs from your LP's to the tape just by setting the needle and hitting the record button just at the right time.
If you would have forecasted, in 1970, that I would be able to down load digitally songs from an 'internet' off a 'personal computer' onto a tiny hard drive with 3 gigs worth of memory and then carry the hard drive around in my pocket whilst listening to my favorite artists, I surely would have said you were mad.
But sure enough, you can, and sure enough I do.
This is one reason to believe man is only limited by his imagination.
Thanks to mom and dad for the player.
Friday, September 08, 2006
To Jake,
My nephew whose birthday is shared with mine (his on the eighth, mine on the fourth).
You turned one today and you're already walking. It's so much better than eating dust, isn't it? Listen, one is a good age. You're just getting away from the teet, having enjoyed that pleasure the past year. Letting go of the breast and acquiring solid food has it's advantages, my little friend. For one, you don't go as hungry as often. Next, you get a lot more variety in your diet that way. Tonight, at the Hacienda, you ate chips with salsa, mesquite chicken breast, and chocolate cake. You don't get that kind of variety from mother's milk, my nephew. And it's good to have this exposure to variety in your diet, cause that is what life is going to give you. Nothing if not variety. And like your diet, life can be severe and merciful. Try the middle course my friend and stick to the middle way, the mild. Be mild in your approach to others, your habits, your thoughts, and your treatment of yourself. Look, you're going to do lots of stupid things. But remember that at age 18 you're still a child, regardless of what the government tells you, and you'll be an adolescent from the time you're 20 until you're 40. As you get older, you'll experience regret, something until then you'd just heard about and thought you understood. But at some point, you will feel the full power of regret, and it's important that you forgive yourself during these times. It's best to ask forgiveness of others, granted, but even better to learn to forgive yourself. Also, concerning youth, don't get impatient with your circumstances. Heaven has arranged your times, and it would do you good just to let them come. Study by observing others, yourself, and by reading books. Learn by experience. The former will give you prudence, the latter will give you a healthy skepticism. You'll learn in due time that much of what your senses give you simply doesn't make sense. It will be your job, little nephew, to produce order out of the chaos, impose sense on the ridiculous, and be sober and temperate when the storms come rolling in. In order to not be a prodigal, it would do you good to remember, by momentarily reflecting, the bad times when things are good, and the good times when things are bad. This will keep you from pollyannaism and deep depression. And as good things happen, remember that this too shall pass, and when bad things happen, remember this too shall pass. But that with age, the great ups and the great downs will level off and tend toward the planar, and you'll be able to walk steadier, as the ground will become much firmer with the experience and knowledge you've gained.
This advice, my little nephew, is all I can offer you, on my forty first, and your first birthday. This advice, and the toy I gave you. Hopefully you will love one as much as you enjoy the other.
My nephew whose birthday is shared with mine (his on the eighth, mine on the fourth).
You turned one today and you're already walking. It's so much better than eating dust, isn't it? Listen, one is a good age. You're just getting away from the teet, having enjoyed that pleasure the past year. Letting go of the breast and acquiring solid food has it's advantages, my little friend. For one, you don't go as hungry as often. Next, you get a lot more variety in your diet that way. Tonight, at the Hacienda, you ate chips with salsa, mesquite chicken breast, and chocolate cake. You don't get that kind of variety from mother's milk, my nephew. And it's good to have this exposure to variety in your diet, cause that is what life is going to give you. Nothing if not variety. And like your diet, life can be severe and merciful. Try the middle course my friend and stick to the middle way, the mild. Be mild in your approach to others, your habits, your thoughts, and your treatment of yourself. Look, you're going to do lots of stupid things. But remember that at age 18 you're still a child, regardless of what the government tells you, and you'll be an adolescent from the time you're 20 until you're 40. As you get older, you'll experience regret, something until then you'd just heard about and thought you understood. But at some point, you will feel the full power of regret, and it's important that you forgive yourself during these times. It's best to ask forgiveness of others, granted, but even better to learn to forgive yourself. Also, concerning youth, don't get impatient with your circumstances. Heaven has arranged your times, and it would do you good just to let them come. Study by observing others, yourself, and by reading books. Learn by experience. The former will give you prudence, the latter will give you a healthy skepticism. You'll learn in due time that much of what your senses give you simply doesn't make sense. It will be your job, little nephew, to produce order out of the chaos, impose sense on the ridiculous, and be sober and temperate when the storms come rolling in. In order to not be a prodigal, it would do you good to remember, by momentarily reflecting, the bad times when things are good, and the good times when things are bad. This will keep you from pollyannaism and deep depression. And as good things happen, remember that this too shall pass, and when bad things happen, remember this too shall pass. But that with age, the great ups and the great downs will level off and tend toward the planar, and you'll be able to walk steadier, as the ground will become much firmer with the experience and knowledge you've gained.
This advice, my little nephew, is all I can offer you, on my forty first, and your first birthday. This advice, and the toy I gave you. Hopefully you will love one as much as you enjoy the other.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I have got to quit reading so many ancient history books and philosophy. Throughout the day, I find myself thinking, and scarier, actually talking to coworkers, family and friends, about Kant's categories and theory of knowledge, Plato's theory of the cave and Forms, and so on. I mean, someone will say they're going to see a movie, and I'll have no idea what they're talking about because my mind is full of greek rationalism and pagan myths! I haven't watched television for years. I have no idea what shows are good or what is going on right now in our culture at large. I'm missing out on all kinds of fun stuff because I keep dusting off Henri Bergson and reading Creative Evolution. These are truly the best years of my life, and I'm living like it's the year 4 a.d.! The other day, a light bulb went off in someone's head when they realized something, and I actually said...out loud....'By the purple of the Caesars, I think he's got it!' I mean, who talks like this? In a former life, not me. What's scarier, a multitude of ridiculous retorts filled my mind at the time. I could just as easily have said, 'By the rivers of Tartarus, I think you've got it!' Or any number of ridiculous replies. I am taking everything way too seriously...
Monday, September 04, 2006
I m m a n e n c e
At one point in the Bible, we are told that if we fail to worship God, the very rocks will cry out to worship Him for us. This is one of the times the Immanent is hinted at in the Scriptures, that Spirit is diffused throughout the entire Creation. We are told in the beginning, God said before He created man, 'It is Good', implying His goodness preceded us in the Trees, the Rocks, the Oceans. We are even told, again in Genesis, that the very Heaven we are destined for was made from Earth, so that Earth is the Mother of Heaven!
Immanece did not lack place with the Greeks. Most people are familiar with Empedocles's four elements earth, air fire and water. But the story usually ends there before it is told that earth was Hades, air was Hera, fire was Zeus, water was Nestis. So the Divine was immanent in the Greek worldview as well.
In modern times, we have lost the idea of the sacred in everyday life. Modern Christianity, at least Protestant, has abandoned the feasts of the saints. By and large, Sunday no longer belongs to the Sun, Monday to the Moon, and so on. The ladder from Heaven to Earth has been dismantled and thrown in the shed to be consumed by worms and moths.
It is left to the new Pagans to bring back this idea of Immanence for us. Many spiritual people are remembering the old ways and reviving them in modern times. The Sun and Moon once again are gaining significance, as are the Stars, the Waters in oceans, rivers, lakes and ponds. The deadness of the Cosmos, realized through lack of shared tradition and loss of collective memory is slowly being revived to manifest a Universe that is diffused with Magic.
Husbandry, the discipline where man participates in the Divine Immanence in all things is slowly coming back as well. People talk about the virtues of animals, the need to eat natural foods, the responsible consumption of Nature's goods, and the just distribution of wealth. When man once again assumes his responsibility of Husband to Mother Earth, the Immanent will become more Immanent and we will be on our way to true Peace.
This, to me, is the Hope Immanence offers us.
At one point in the Bible, we are told that if we fail to worship God, the very rocks will cry out to worship Him for us. This is one of the times the Immanent is hinted at in the Scriptures, that Spirit is diffused throughout the entire Creation. We are told in the beginning, God said before He created man, 'It is Good', implying His goodness preceded us in the Trees, the Rocks, the Oceans. We are even told, again in Genesis, that the very Heaven we are destined for was made from Earth, so that Earth is the Mother of Heaven!
Immanece did not lack place with the Greeks. Most people are familiar with Empedocles's four elements earth, air fire and water. But the story usually ends there before it is told that earth was Hades, air was Hera, fire was Zeus, water was Nestis. So the Divine was immanent in the Greek worldview as well.
In modern times, we have lost the idea of the sacred in everyday life. Modern Christianity, at least Protestant, has abandoned the feasts of the saints. By and large, Sunday no longer belongs to the Sun, Monday to the Moon, and so on. The ladder from Heaven to Earth has been dismantled and thrown in the shed to be consumed by worms and moths.
It is left to the new Pagans to bring back this idea of Immanence for us. Many spiritual people are remembering the old ways and reviving them in modern times. The Sun and Moon once again are gaining significance, as are the Stars, the Waters in oceans, rivers, lakes and ponds. The deadness of the Cosmos, realized through lack of shared tradition and loss of collective memory is slowly being revived to manifest a Universe that is diffused with Magic.
Husbandry, the discipline where man participates in the Divine Immanence in all things is slowly coming back as well. People talk about the virtues of animals, the need to eat natural foods, the responsible consumption of Nature's goods, and the just distribution of wealth. When man once again assumes his responsibility of Husband to Mother Earth, the Immanent will become more Immanent and we will be on our way to true Peace.
This, to me, is the Hope Immanence offers us.
R e g u l a r i t y
No, not that kind of regularity!
I'm not that old!
But sheesh, with all these abrupt changes, I look to something that is regular, unchanging, stable, solid, predictable.
Plato said this is the realm of the Forms, which transcends our sphere of Change.
It all starts with Imagination.
Dream, flights of fancies, whimsys, conjectures, nebulous thoughts from the unconscious that begin a motion, an activity at what I call the deepest center of the self, the inner 'I'.
Which graduates to Belief.
Common objects are observed. The Sun, the Moon, the Stars, the Sky, the Trees, the Plants, the Rocks, these all begin to register as objects that can be observed and predicted.
On to Knowledge.
Abstract generalities are able to be put forth that generalize the principles of the objects of Belief. Rocks, when held, will fall when released. Leaves will fall from Trees. The Moon will fall from the Sky, so that Gravity is seen to be a principle that applies to all Objects, so that these Objects' behaviours may be predicted. The laws of Geometry, the point, the line, the circle, the triangle all can be projected on paper and are found in Nature.
Last is Gnosis.
How to use this abstract Knowledge for the betterment of Mankind. How to apply the Laws of Heaven to this mortal coil, so that Life points to the Good, without becoming impractical. The Laws of Gravity are taken into account when determining the static equilibrium of a Bridge to span an expanse. The Abstract is laddered to the Concrete to form something useful that points to the transcendant.
Then on to Virtue.
Wisdom is the Virtue of thought.
Courage is the Virtue of desire.
Temperance is the Virtue of action.
Justice is the Virtue of Society.
And on to Spirituality.
Love the Idea of the Transcendant, while appreciating the Immanent. Love the Lord God first, and then love your fellow man. So that Love is the keystone of Spirituality.
Appreciate the Flow in all Things.
The Sun slowly moves from it's eastern rise to it's zenith, rendering a smooth flow of time that is regular and continues on in the same regularity from it's zenith to it's fall in the western horizon, delicately winding it's way from morning to night.
Polaris, the North Star regularly assumes it's position in the night sky for 26,000 years, then changing off to Vega for the next 26,000 years, which in turn makes it's nod to Polaris. A flow that can be measured by the precession of the equinoxes.
The Moon casts it's beams, bended through Gravity, onto the waters it pulls, their tides being easily predicted by any meterologist worth his salt.
These are some of the things that are regular, unchanging in their change, predictable and rational, confidently manifesting themselves into a world of apparent chaos. When fraught with difficulties and dis-harmony throughout the day, these are things one can meditate on when looking for something that is not fickle in it's ways!
No, not that kind of regularity!
I'm not that old!
But sheesh, with all these abrupt changes, I look to something that is regular, unchanging, stable, solid, predictable.
Plato said this is the realm of the Forms, which transcends our sphere of Change.
It all starts with Imagination.
Dream, flights of fancies, whimsys, conjectures, nebulous thoughts from the unconscious that begin a motion, an activity at what I call the deepest center of the self, the inner 'I'.
Which graduates to Belief.
Common objects are observed. The Sun, the Moon, the Stars, the Sky, the Trees, the Plants, the Rocks, these all begin to register as objects that can be observed and predicted.
On to Knowledge.
Abstract generalities are able to be put forth that generalize the principles of the objects of Belief. Rocks, when held, will fall when released. Leaves will fall from Trees. The Moon will fall from the Sky, so that Gravity is seen to be a principle that applies to all Objects, so that these Objects' behaviours may be predicted. The laws of Geometry, the point, the line, the circle, the triangle all can be projected on paper and are found in Nature.
Last is Gnosis.
How to use this abstract Knowledge for the betterment of Mankind. How to apply the Laws of Heaven to this mortal coil, so that Life points to the Good, without becoming impractical. The Laws of Gravity are taken into account when determining the static equilibrium of a Bridge to span an expanse. The Abstract is laddered to the Concrete to form something useful that points to the transcendant.
Then on to Virtue.
Wisdom is the Virtue of thought.
Courage is the Virtue of desire.
Temperance is the Virtue of action.
Justice is the Virtue of Society.
And on to Spirituality.
Love the Idea of the Transcendant, while appreciating the Immanent. Love the Lord God first, and then love your fellow man. So that Love is the keystone of Spirituality.
Appreciate the Flow in all Things.
The Sun slowly moves from it's eastern rise to it's zenith, rendering a smooth flow of time that is regular and continues on in the same regularity from it's zenith to it's fall in the western horizon, delicately winding it's way from morning to night.
Polaris, the North Star regularly assumes it's position in the night sky for 26,000 years, then changing off to Vega for the next 26,000 years, which in turn makes it's nod to Polaris. A flow that can be measured by the precession of the equinoxes.
The Moon casts it's beams, bended through Gravity, onto the waters it pulls, their tides being easily predicted by any meterologist worth his salt.
These are some of the things that are regular, unchanging in their change, predictable and rational, confidently manifesting themselves into a world of apparent chaos. When fraught with difficulties and dis-harmony throughout the day, these are things one can meditate on when looking for something that is not fickle in it's ways!
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Behold, I am a Tweener.
Classified by various news agencies, USA Today for one, as people who were born in the first five years of the 1960's, and who are not Boomers or X-ers.
We are the new (old?) lost generation. It depends on who's doing the looking.
We missed Woodstock, though we remember it peripherally, and many of us didn't feel comfortable attending Lollapalooza.
Personally, my music tastes testify to this damnable position.
I like, and remember, Three Dog Night, the Bee Gees, Elton John and on to punk and post punk and electronica and now emo.
I appreciated the seventies for the warm fuzzies it gave me, the eighties for the cold detachment it gave me, the nineties for the solidarity it gave me, and now the 00's, for the confusion it gives me.
One drawback to being a Tweener is, you don't really fit in anywhere. You're a little too young and a little too old at the same time.
Having been exposed to a variety of cultural phenomena, you look kinda like a deer caught in headlights. This because you're trying to absorb what happened before you came of age and after.
But the flip side to not fitting in as a Tweener is you can identify with counter culture.
You can read 'On the Road' and relate. 'Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance' definitely strikes a chord. Existentialism raises it's ugly head and you can identify with being caught in a meaningless existence. Holden Caulfield, Cool Hand Luke, Nietzsche, Hemingway, Williams Carlos Williams, the characters from 'The Mysteries of Pittsburgh' by Chabon, all represent and speak to the Tweener mentality. People who are caught up in times that are fluid, slightly vacuous, and are confused about their identities.
In the seventies, I wore bell bottoms. In the eighties, I wore peg legs. In the nineties, I wore flannel shirts. Now in the 00's, I opt for the bauhausian simplicity of a tee shirt and jeans with sandals. You know, something undeclared and nondescript. Largely this is evidence for being flustered at how I should present myself, as I don't know if I'm a hippy, a disco man, a heavy metal dude, a punk, a prep, a grunger, a ibiza denizen, or what. I mean, ultimately, I'm a little of all of these things, so to avoid confusion, I opt for the simple when it comes to dress now.
But the thing is, the clothes were as far as it got when it came to 'joining'. I was too young to protest Kent State or burn a draft card, I was just wise enough in years to know disco was a sidebar in the musical lexicon, I was married and had been working fulltime for at least nineteen years when grunge came around, and on and on. I could never reach a critical mass with enough people in my own age group to be able to say 'I am a punk' or 'I am a hippie' or what have you.
In the final analysis, I would recommend to other tweeners the concept of Flow. Flow is the realization that nothing sticks, so don't identify too closely with something. The Watchword for flow is, everything is changing, so just ride the waves as the come and go.
One insight Tweeners may be able to offer boomers or x-ers is, if you want something you can rely on, you have to look deeper than what day to day life has to offer. Having not fit in for so long, which has cast them in the terms of observers, Tweeners have a knack for seeing through the B.S. of fads and so on and have an eye for what lasts. Using myself as an example, I look to greek rationalism and ancient esoteric christianity for continuity and stability. I recognize that fads are just that, and will change as the decades do.
So this is to my fellow Tweeners. That new (old?) lost generation who never has really found itself. To all those who observed without joining, who appreciated without identifying, and so on.
Keep yer head down and yer spirits up!
Classified by various news agencies, USA Today for one, as people who were born in the first five years of the 1960's, and who are not Boomers or X-ers.
We are the new (old?) lost generation. It depends on who's doing the looking.
We missed Woodstock, though we remember it peripherally, and many of us didn't feel comfortable attending Lollapalooza.
Personally, my music tastes testify to this damnable position.
I like, and remember, Three Dog Night, the Bee Gees, Elton John and on to punk and post punk and electronica and now emo.
I appreciated the seventies for the warm fuzzies it gave me, the eighties for the cold detachment it gave me, the nineties for the solidarity it gave me, and now the 00's, for the confusion it gives me.
One drawback to being a Tweener is, you don't really fit in anywhere. You're a little too young and a little too old at the same time.
Having been exposed to a variety of cultural phenomena, you look kinda like a deer caught in headlights. This because you're trying to absorb what happened before you came of age and after.
But the flip side to not fitting in as a Tweener is you can identify with counter culture.
You can read 'On the Road' and relate. 'Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance' definitely strikes a chord. Existentialism raises it's ugly head and you can identify with being caught in a meaningless existence. Holden Caulfield, Cool Hand Luke, Nietzsche, Hemingway, Williams Carlos Williams, the characters from 'The Mysteries of Pittsburgh' by Chabon, all represent and speak to the Tweener mentality. People who are caught up in times that are fluid, slightly vacuous, and are confused about their identities.
In the seventies, I wore bell bottoms. In the eighties, I wore peg legs. In the nineties, I wore flannel shirts. Now in the 00's, I opt for the bauhausian simplicity of a tee shirt and jeans with sandals. You know, something undeclared and nondescript. Largely this is evidence for being flustered at how I should present myself, as I don't know if I'm a hippy, a disco man, a heavy metal dude, a punk, a prep, a grunger, a ibiza denizen, or what. I mean, ultimately, I'm a little of all of these things, so to avoid confusion, I opt for the simple when it comes to dress now.
But the thing is, the clothes were as far as it got when it came to 'joining'. I was too young to protest Kent State or burn a draft card, I was just wise enough in years to know disco was a sidebar in the musical lexicon, I was married and had been working fulltime for at least nineteen years when grunge came around, and on and on. I could never reach a critical mass with enough people in my own age group to be able to say 'I am a punk' or 'I am a hippie' or what have you.
In the final analysis, I would recommend to other tweeners the concept of Flow. Flow is the realization that nothing sticks, so don't identify too closely with something. The Watchword for flow is, everything is changing, so just ride the waves as the come and go.
One insight Tweeners may be able to offer boomers or x-ers is, if you want something you can rely on, you have to look deeper than what day to day life has to offer. Having not fit in for so long, which has cast them in the terms of observers, Tweeners have a knack for seeing through the B.S. of fads and so on and have an eye for what lasts. Using myself as an example, I look to greek rationalism and ancient esoteric christianity for continuity and stability. I recognize that fads are just that, and will change as the decades do.
So this is to my fellow Tweeners. That new (old?) lost generation who never has really found itself. To all those who observed without joining, who appreciated without identifying, and so on.
Keep yer head down and yer spirits up!
F a m i l y
It's funny, the passage of time. We attended a reunion with people from my wife's maternal side of the family today at Hornady Park in Petersburgh, Indiana. In 1990, a series of tornadoes tore through Petersburgh and wrecked the park, the only one of it's kind in Petersburgh. When we arrived, it impressed me how nice things looked. There were oaks and elms and maples scattered across rolling mounded hillocks. There was a new water park for the kids. The grounds were pristine, and an 'old' log cabin had been built to show what life was like at the turn of the nineteenth century.
We convened at a shelter house resting on one of the hills. From this vantage point, you could view the clear lake and it's inhabitants, children fishing with their grandparents and aunts and uncles. Plenty of food was laid out on one of the long series of tables. Fried chicken, green bean casserole, potatos, tomatos and plenty of dishes to choose from for desert, including chocolate chip cookies (my favorite kind) and brownies (another favorite) all were presented so that the food looked absolutely inviting.
Before we ate, one of the senior men said a prayer blessing the food and offering thanksgiving for families and times spent together through the years. Then, the eating began. The food tasted as good as it looked, washed down with cans of soda, iced tea and lemonade. The conversations flowed easily. People were arranged at the table sitting next to their immediate family, and then connected by a cousin who in turn sat next to his immediate family, and so on. So conversations would begin with those closest, and radiate to those further away.
Although the number of people exceded thirty, the talk was quiet, pleasant and enjoyable. No outbursts or loud guffaws. Just comfortable pleasantries shared with the near and dear, and not so near yet still dear. The conversation during this mealtime centered around people's work or retirement, what their hobbies were, why they liked the car they were driving, and tips and recipes for cooking.
After the breaking of the bread, I bummed the keys to the van and broke away for a quick smoke, as having a cigarette after a meal is the most desirable one for me. When I got back, a group of the ladies had decided to walk down to the log cabin. The men were going to let their food settle, but I wasn't having it. I offered to go along to the log cabin as I was curious about it. The kids peeled away to change into swim trunks so they could play at the water park, which was within easy view from the shelter house so the men could keep an eye on them.
As the ladies and I made our way by passing the lake toward the log cabin, I held my wife's hand as the two of us talked about her family. What had her grandfather done for a living? He was a farmer. How many children did he and his wife have? They had fifteen and his wife was just thirty three when she passed away during childbirth! How big was their house? It had only three rooms and was very old.
When we arrived at the log cabin, we entered through the front door which opened into the main family room. Although all of this was simulated with modern materials, there was a quilting machine set in a corner, a fireplace in the middle of the 'front' wall, and an oval rug on the floor. We moved on to the bedroom which featured a large bed with flour-sack pillows and the room had a chest in the corner of it which actually looked quite old.
Mary's mother commented that the ceilings probably weren't built as high as these, which looked to be about sixteen feet high. She said they orignially would have hung much lower. She also said the cabin didn't look that bad and reminded her of the house she grew up in. I could only imagine without relating to living in such close quarters with so many people (fifteen children!)
________________
After we returned to the shelter house, we all took our chairs and made a great circle so we could face each other as we talked. More recipe exchanging, more talk of golf and retirement, more words on the genealogy of the family. But the conversation was again quiet and agreeable.
With the sun out, the temperature around seventy one degrees, and a nice breeze blowing ('there's always a breeze blowing here, every year' said someone), my mood became downright hypnotic as I gazed at the maples and oaks and pines dotting the rolling hillocks. I felt myself falling away to sleep in mid conversation!
____________________
'Just look at the time!' someone exclaimed. It was already five o' clock. Everyone jumped to their feet and began breaking down their chairs and gathering up the pots and pans of food. There was a slight commotion as everyone gathered their things into their cars and said their goodbyes and see you next year's.
_______________________
The next thing I knew, we were in the van headed down highway fifty seven on our way back to Evansville.
What I nice way to spend a Labor Day weekend, I thought, and soon was fast asleep in the car, my head lolled about as we made our way through the curves and straights of the highway.
It's funny, the passage of time. We attended a reunion with people from my wife's maternal side of the family today at Hornady Park in Petersburgh, Indiana. In 1990, a series of tornadoes tore through Petersburgh and wrecked the park, the only one of it's kind in Petersburgh. When we arrived, it impressed me how nice things looked. There were oaks and elms and maples scattered across rolling mounded hillocks. There was a new water park for the kids. The grounds were pristine, and an 'old' log cabin had been built to show what life was like at the turn of the nineteenth century.
We convened at a shelter house resting on one of the hills. From this vantage point, you could view the clear lake and it's inhabitants, children fishing with their grandparents and aunts and uncles. Plenty of food was laid out on one of the long series of tables. Fried chicken, green bean casserole, potatos, tomatos and plenty of dishes to choose from for desert, including chocolate chip cookies (my favorite kind) and brownies (another favorite) all were presented so that the food looked absolutely inviting.
Before we ate, one of the senior men said a prayer blessing the food and offering thanksgiving for families and times spent together through the years. Then, the eating began. The food tasted as good as it looked, washed down with cans of soda, iced tea and lemonade. The conversations flowed easily. People were arranged at the table sitting next to their immediate family, and then connected by a cousin who in turn sat next to his immediate family, and so on. So conversations would begin with those closest, and radiate to those further away.
Although the number of people exceded thirty, the talk was quiet, pleasant and enjoyable. No outbursts or loud guffaws. Just comfortable pleasantries shared with the near and dear, and not so near yet still dear. The conversation during this mealtime centered around people's work or retirement, what their hobbies were, why they liked the car they were driving, and tips and recipes for cooking.
After the breaking of the bread, I bummed the keys to the van and broke away for a quick smoke, as having a cigarette after a meal is the most desirable one for me. When I got back, a group of the ladies had decided to walk down to the log cabin. The men were going to let their food settle, but I wasn't having it. I offered to go along to the log cabin as I was curious about it. The kids peeled away to change into swim trunks so they could play at the water park, which was within easy view from the shelter house so the men could keep an eye on them.
As the ladies and I made our way by passing the lake toward the log cabin, I held my wife's hand as the two of us talked about her family. What had her grandfather done for a living? He was a farmer. How many children did he and his wife have? They had fifteen and his wife was just thirty three when she passed away during childbirth! How big was their house? It had only three rooms and was very old.
When we arrived at the log cabin, we entered through the front door which opened into the main family room. Although all of this was simulated with modern materials, there was a quilting machine set in a corner, a fireplace in the middle of the 'front' wall, and an oval rug on the floor. We moved on to the bedroom which featured a large bed with flour-sack pillows and the room had a chest in the corner of it which actually looked quite old.
Mary's mother commented that the ceilings probably weren't built as high as these, which looked to be about sixteen feet high. She said they orignially would have hung much lower. She also said the cabin didn't look that bad and reminded her of the house she grew up in. I could only imagine without relating to living in such close quarters with so many people (fifteen children!)
________________
After we returned to the shelter house, we all took our chairs and made a great circle so we could face each other as we talked. More recipe exchanging, more talk of golf and retirement, more words on the genealogy of the family. But the conversation was again quiet and agreeable.
With the sun out, the temperature around seventy one degrees, and a nice breeze blowing ('there's always a breeze blowing here, every year' said someone), my mood became downright hypnotic as I gazed at the maples and oaks and pines dotting the rolling hillocks. I felt myself falling away to sleep in mid conversation!
____________________
'Just look at the time!' someone exclaimed. It was already five o' clock. Everyone jumped to their feet and began breaking down their chairs and gathering up the pots and pans of food. There was a slight commotion as everyone gathered their things into their cars and said their goodbyes and see you next year's.
_______________________
The next thing I knew, we were in the van headed down highway fifty seven on our way back to Evansville.
What I nice way to spend a Labor Day weekend, I thought, and soon was fast asleep in the car, my head lolled about as we made our way through the curves and straights of the highway.
