Thursday, September 14, 2006
Under the spell of a dark god
As I have revealed in previous posts, I suffered three nervous breakdowns at around the turn of the millenium. I was subsequently diagnosed as suffering from psychotic episodes accompianied by depression and schizoeffective disorder.
My particular disorders are being managed by psychiatric care. I see a psychiatrist on a regular basis and am on some potent pharmaceuticals.
So depression, anxiety, bizarre thoughts, all are constant threats to my day to day life.
Out of the blue, I can be attacked by the most insidious fear, the most cloaked anxiety, or the most bizarre paranoia.
My condition is managed.
Not cured.
But so far, gratefully, I am able to be a decent husband to my wife, a doting father to my son, an average employee to my employer, a member of my church choir, and I manage to get through the days for the most part uneventfully.
I have modern science and an awareness by the public that mental disorders are treatable to thank for my place in society. If I had experienced my breakdowns not too far in the past, I would have been institutionalized indefinitely. Thankfully, there are drugs and psychiatric techniques now that enable me to be able to carry on fairly normally.
Everyone has questions in their lives that go unanswered.
The ones that I deal with are: How did these things happen to me? What caused them to hit me out of the blue? Why did they happen?
But alas, these are the dark thoughts I labor under and wonder over only on occassion.
Any more than occassionally would be unbearable.
As I have revealed in previous posts, I suffered three nervous breakdowns at around the turn of the millenium. I was subsequently diagnosed as suffering from psychotic episodes accompianied by depression and schizoeffective disorder.
My particular disorders are being managed by psychiatric care. I see a psychiatrist on a regular basis and am on some potent pharmaceuticals.
So depression, anxiety, bizarre thoughts, all are constant threats to my day to day life.
Out of the blue, I can be attacked by the most insidious fear, the most cloaked anxiety, or the most bizarre paranoia.
My condition is managed.
Not cured.
But so far, gratefully, I am able to be a decent husband to my wife, a doting father to my son, an average employee to my employer, a member of my church choir, and I manage to get through the days for the most part uneventfully.
I have modern science and an awareness by the public that mental disorders are treatable to thank for my place in society. If I had experienced my breakdowns not too far in the past, I would have been institutionalized indefinitely. Thankfully, there are drugs and psychiatric techniques now that enable me to be able to carry on fairly normally.
Everyone has questions in their lives that go unanswered.
The ones that I deal with are: How did these things happen to me? What caused them to hit me out of the blue? Why did they happen?
But alas, these are the dark thoughts I labor under and wonder over only on occassion.
Any more than occassionally would be unbearable.
